Overwhelmed

I wasn’t certain how to label this message. So, I went for the simple and “to the point” title. The bottom line is I have felt overwhelmed many times the past two years, and especially the last few months. It’s why I haven’t written very much recently…I felt overwhelmed and empty.

But what does it mean to be overwhelmed? According to the Oxford Dictionary, overwhelmed means to “bury or drown beneath a huge mass.” Yep, I would say that pretty much describes it.

The second definition is equally noteworthy, and complements the first, it means to be given “too much to handle.”

Let me give you some background. For those of you who have been following our journey, you know that in July of 2020, we lost our twenty year-old daughter suddenly and tragically, while living 6,000 miles away. Then, we transitioned our family back to the United States, a place we had not lived for 16 years (and our two youngest had never lived). One year later, we lost our pastor and friend suddenly as well as another long-term friend and mentor.

But the journey doesn’t end there. Three weeks ago Michelle lost her father to a long-term illness, and just yesterday we lost one of our senior Turkish leaders, and one of Michelle’s closest and dearest friends.

I find myself at a loss for words. It would be easy for me to just say, I’ve had enough. I can’t do this anymore. It’s even easier to target God as the culprit and lay all the blame at His feet. Honestly, I’ve had many of those moments – He is an easy target when you’re lost, hurting, and confused.

Most of my life I’ve heard the words, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” That’s untrue and misleading.

Here is what Paul told the Corinthians: “For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.” 2 Corinthians 1:8

Ouch. That hurts and it’s not encouraging. It means that God will allow us to walk through things that overwhelm us. Why? Well, let’s look at the next verse in that passage and see: “Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.“

He will give us more than we can handle to push us into the shadow of HIS wings, into HIS strong tower. So there is a purpose to the burden and weight that we have to carry at times. There is a purpose to our stretching. There is a purpose to our pain.

For years Michelle and I and our ministry had received promises out of Isaiah,

Enlarge the place of your tent,
    and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
    and strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left,
    and your offspring will possess the nations
    and will people the desolate cities.

Isaiah 54-2-3

The premise is that in order for God to give us more, we have to increase our capacity to hold it. The more capacity we have, the more God can pour into us. On paper, it’s a beautiful promise – especially the verse about possessing the nations and populating the desolate cities. However, to get to that verse, you have to go through verse two. Verse two requires a stretching. OK Lord. How bad could it be?

Well, first of all, stretching is painful. After a while, it can make you feel worn down or thinned out. I like how Bilbo Baggins said it in Lord of the Rings, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” Eventually, if you stretch something too much, it will tear. It can become something that is more than we can handle…despairing unto death.

As I was reading over Isaiah 54 a few days after Michelle’s dad passed, I thought to the Lord, “I can’t take anymore stretching. Please Lord, can we stop? I feel like I’m breaking.” For me, it truly was a moment of brokenness and despair. It was too much and I didn’t feel that I could go any further without tearing. I was tired of sacrifice, suffering, and especially death. I sincerely wanted the Lord to make it stop.

And then, I heard the Lord so clearly say, "Mark, I can make it stop, but this will be your capacity and I have so very much more to give you."

There is a parable given by Jesus in Matthew 25 that has always been my motivator for pursuing the Kingdom of God. Jesus is talking about the faithful servant, and He says to the servant after he has fulfilled, with excellence, what his Master has asked him to do, “Well done, good and faithful servant…enter your rest.” I want, with all my heart, to hear those words from Jesus when I walk into eternity. I want to hear Him call my name and tell me that I did well, that I left nothing on the table, that I gave Him EVERYTHING…”Well done, Mark, enter into your rest!”

So, there I was, face down on the carpet, crying my eyes out and confronted with a difficult decision. God said He can stop the stretching – but that will be my limit, that will be my capacity, and I won’t have the fullness of what God has planned for me. Believe it or not, it took me a couple of days to come to a decision (just being transparent and real). I really want the stretching to end. If I’m honest, I still do. However, I want the fullness of God in my life more. I want ALL He has for me.

I do not want the pain and fear to dictate my capacity to hold the promises of God.

So, Lord, have your way in me. Stretch me until I have the capacity to hold every ounce of every plan and purpose that you have designed for my life. You have permission to push, pull, and prod until you get me where I need to be.

Do.Not.Hold.Back.

Peace.

“Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering…the love of God did not protect His own Son…He will not necessarily protect us – not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

Elisabeth Elliot