Just Stand.

My goal in starting a blog was to write something once a week. Because I’m an “inspirational” writer, if I’m not inspired by some random thought or God-speaking moment, I struggle to know what to write. This week has been like that. I could give an update about how great it was to have several of our life-long friends and ministry partners with us during the Easter week and weekend. I could talk about the new book I’m writing. I could write about how the kids are growing, but still struggling with the loss of their sister. I could write about “pressing in and pressing on” and all the victorious language that we use when our world is falling apart, or, I could just let the rawness of the pain and grief that we are still walking through wash over the page and tell the “rest of the story” as Paul Harvey used to say.

The raw truth is that we’re still broken. This past week as our friends, the ones that knew Aly the best, were at our home, the reality of who was missing from our circle settled heavy on me. The following week, this week, Aly has been on my thoughts every minute of every day. I’ve been distant and on the verge of tears. The raw truth is that I want to blame someone or something – typically that means either myself or God. Blaming myself leaves me full of self-pity and lacking motivation or purpose. Blaming God leaves me distant from His presence resulting in feelings of hopelessness. Pitiful, unmotivated, distant and hopeless – the road to insanity looks straighter than that!

Why am I sharing all of this? My goal is not to create a sympathetic or empathetic audience. When we began this journey, our commitment was to be as transparent and vulnerable as possible. We want everyone to know that it’s not always sunshine and roses and that strength doesn’t depend on pretense and a false sense of humility. Strength is born out of sacrifice, suffering and failure. That doesn’t sound very “pretty”, but it’s the truth of the matter. The “ugly” truth. Some of us continue to walk through the same battles and around the same mountains because we refuse to acknowledge our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. We want to pretend that everything is OKAY when that is the furthest thing from the truth.

Michelle and I are NOT okay. We are broken, beaten, battered and bruised. We are in a season of our lives where every step is like walking through quicksand…knowing that the moment we stop, we’ll be sucked down into the unknown depths of despair. So, we keep walking. One foot in front of the other. We know there is victory, because we have seen His goodness.

I’m not sure how our story ends or what other disappointments await us tomorrow, next week or later in life, but I know there will be more of them, just as I know that the sun will rise tomorrow morning. I want to be found on my feet, moving forward when I face our next obstacle. So, I keep moving. I have determined that I will follow Jesus. It is my only option so there is no plan B. No turning back. No quitting.

We can be victorious because Jesus has overcome the world. We just have to set our face like flint and not.be.moved. Just stand.

Ephesians 6:13

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.“

Peace.